Starbucks – Anything in the middle?

Why, oh why, does it seem that Starbucks employees fit ever so perfectly into one of two distinct profiles?

Profile A (aka. “I’m-happier-than-any-healthy-human-should-be-at-this-hour”)

Employees in this camp are so freakin’ over the top happy to be alive that being in the same room with them pisses you off. You’re a caffeine junkie. At 8am every morning, you’re in a pre-fix state. You’re experiencing withdrawal symptoms. You’re groggy. Your motor control is poor. Your mental focus is impaired. You’re in no mood. Your goal is solitary–consume coffee. In this state, there’s nothing worse than a shiny, happy, overly friendly Starbucks minion saying “Good morning. What can I get for you?” in the sing-songy voice of an angel in a green apron. Need I say more?

Profile B (aka. “I’d-rather-be-anywhere-in-the-world-than-right-here”)

The other end of the spectrum, this camp consists of those who a) take your order without making eye contact, b) don’t tell you the total of your order because they’re expecting you to read the display on the register, c) pass your change back to you without acknowledging you exist and d) expect you to find the components of your order somewhere in the pile of identical bags and paper cups on the counter. These people aren’t even trying.

As a consumer (i.e. one who’s willing to spend the better part of $5 on a latte) I’d like to believe there’s a happy medium–that there are people in the world who are both reasonable in demeanor and competent in their service delivery. And also that these people are willing to work for minimum wage. Perhaps I expect too much.